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Last week, Goldman Sachs led the other Wall Street sheep into calling back there flock to work full-time in offices. I was actually surprised to learn that this has not occurred yet. Several thoughts arose.
First, this is coming at the worst possible time. In New York City and other large cities, deadly crime is at an all-time high. Getting to work will not be easy. Ironically, people did not come to work for years because of the negligible risk from COVID. Now, they are being asked to come back to the office with the real risk of being raped and shot.
My other thought was that people have been working from home for three-years. They are now permanently changed. They will never work in the office in the same way. Once one gets a taste of freedom from HR, one never goes back.
I learned that there is a phrase in Wall Street for what has been happening over the Zoom home-office era. They call it “jerk from home” (as in the masturbation “jerk”).
If someone has become accustomed to certain behavior at home that is not checked, there will be a tremendous culture shock when they get back to the office. Just like Jeffrey Toobin of CNN, I bet we will see cases of men in the office place getting caught masturbating. On a Friday morning after a hard night out of entertaining clients with liquor and cocaine, there will be a lot of people who do not have fully functioning frontal lobes in the office.
#MeToo claims will come back in full force. However, they will be justified this time. Those poor female staffers will be surrounded by boorish men in need of training all over again. The IT people will be flooded of alerts that PornHub has been accessed by work computers.
HR might do well to preemptively hold classes on acceptable behavior:
- Slide #1 “Keep your hands out of your pants while you are at your desk”
- Slide #2 “Do not watch porn on your computer, unless it is kiddie porn or tranny porn, which are sanctioned by the WEF”
- Slide #3 “The female workers are not strippers”
- Slide #4 “Do not talk about sex at work, unless you are promoting drag queen shows”
Update September 8, 2022- Shortly after writing my essay, the WSJ came out with an article about how manners at the workplace have slipped: “What the #@$%! Happened to Our Manners at Work?-Because of pandemic rust, a generational shift or something else, the working world is getting ruder, many say”
Update September 16, 2022- I noticed today that a federal judge’s local rule address this “jerk from home” phenomenon.
“Appearing remotely is a privilege, not a right. Do not abuse it. Regardless of the method used, you are appearing in Federal Court. Act appropriately. Do not attempt to participate while driving, eating, yelling to a colleague, or walking down the street. Yes, the Court has observed each of these behaviors occur during a remote proceeding.”